World Renowned Pussy Sidney Crosby Still Out After Suffering a Concussion in Game 3 – Shmeeth

Crosby Hit

Ahhhhhh, yes.  Nothing warms my heart more on a dull Thursday afternoon than the thought of Sidney Crosby with his face flat on the ice, babbling baby talk to the trainers after getting Eiffel Towered by Alex Ovechkin and Matt Niskanen.  Make no mistake – this was 100,000% intentional.  Maybe they dressed an extra defenseman to add some depth to the back line after getting scored on 6 times at home in the last game.  Maybe not.  Maybe it was their plan all along to bring an extra defenseman so Niskanen could take the ejection for the Crosby hit and they’d be all good.  I think it’s very likely the latter.  That shit was too fucking perfectly choreographed to be on accident. A beautifully subtle high stick from trolling legend Alex Ovechkin sends Baby Sid’s head right into the waiting cross check of Matt Niskanen, who has recently gained heavy street cred in D.C.  I mean this shit takes practice, it really does.  I bet you it was all Tom Wilson’s idea, that beautiful savage.  He probably rented Slap Shot on DVD and got the whole team together to show them how to deal with pussies like Crosby.  That’s a leader right there.  I actually overheard a rumor that to prepare for this, the Caps would call up prospects from the minors and dress them up like Crosby in practice and just beat the fuck out them on the ice before shipping them back to Hershey.  I’m really not sure which part of that is worse, getting the piss beaten out of you by Wilson or living in Hershey. Toss Up.

All I have to say is eat fucking ice Crosby.  Have fun not being able to speak to your own children in thirty years because you’re going to be so fucking brain-dead it might not even be funny anymore.  I hope you never play in this series again.  I’ve accepted that the Caps are physically incapable of winning a second round playoff series, but I just couldn’t bear for it to be at your hands again.

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